


A Hand in the Matter

by rjhpandapaws



Series: Hand Brewed Hope [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human, Asexual Character, Connor & CyberLife Tower Connor | RK800-60 & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Nonverbal Upgraded Connor | RK900, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:42:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29613789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rjhpandapaws/pseuds/rjhpandapaws
Summary: Richard didn't speak. He didn't need to, his brothers understood him just fine. That was all he needed. Until it wasn't.Gavin wasn't the most social. The friends he had worked hard to get there. He didn't want anyone else. Until he did.Funny how good coffee and good friends can change things when given a hand in the matter.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: Hand Brewed Hope [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175729
Comments: 38
Kudos: 51





	1. Prologue: 3 Racoons in a Trenchcoat

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this is the first work I've written and published. It has a sister story that will be coming up soon but you don't have to read one to read the other. These are also on tumblr! They get posted there first so feel free to check that out too @rjhpandapaws
> 
> -panda

Richard was working on a drawing of what he could see of the Detroit skyline from his apartment. He had his laptop open because he had promised Connor a discord call and he was using his phone to listen to music. He had about fifteen more minutes until he expected Connor to call, allowing for the time it took him to get home from work.

The calls themselves were relatively one sided, Connor talked, vented really, and Richard typed replies and commentary when he felt the need. Usually he just let Connor go off. Silas would be better conversation, seeing as he actually spoke, but when Connor was wound up he needed someone to talk at not talk to, and Richard didn't mind. As if summoned by his thoughts, Richard got two notifications back to back.

RunawayArkait is now online!  
RunawayArkait is calling you!

Richard answered the call with a click and typed into the chat.  
UnluckyNine: That was fast. Not cooking donner tonight?

"No. I am, you're on the iPad for the moment, its an emergency. I am having a crisis." He could hear Connor moving around his kitchen, the uptight lilt to his voice coming through clearly.

UnluckyNine: That kind of day? Was it the Macchiato Guy again?

He heard Connor groan and he smiled, adding some shading to a building. Connor enjoyed his job and he was good at it. He was friendly and much more of a people person than Richard, but he lived for routine and order so when people changed their drinks it got to him. It messed with the flow of making the drink and stressed Connor out.

"He did come in today, but he wasn't the worst of it unfortunately. But still, what kind of beast adds espresso to a Carmel Macchiato! It's supposed to be sweet! Sweet, Richard, not bitter." Connor took a breath and something began sizzling on the other end of the line as he continued cooking, "This guy came in today and ordered a medium vanilla latte and asked for four shots of espresso. Four! In a drink that doesn't even have espresso in it! Macchiato Guy is a saint compared to him!"

Richard shook his head with a fond smile.  
UnluckyNine: I never thought I'd see the day that you called Macchiato Guy a saint. So your Latte Monster, what was he like? Aside from murdering a perfectly good coffee, what did he do to get you so mad?

He heard a sigh on the other end of the line, he knew that sound. Connor had a crush, "Nines, he was so handsome. Blue eyes, longer hair, he's going a little grey at the roots and he's built like a tree. Y'know, broad shoulders the works."

UnluckyNine: Just up your alley. Except he murdered his drink.

"He could have been the one! But he's a sociopath! Four shots of espresso... like, what kind of job requires that much caffeine." Connor let out another little more forlorn sigh, "I mean I have no way of knowing if he even swings this way so its probably for the best."

UnluckyNine: You also don't know that he doesn't. Just because he needs to inject caffeine directly into his bloodstream doesn't mean he's a bad guy.  
UnluckyNine: Use some of your charm and see how it goes. Latte Murderer or not, he may be nice.

"Richard, have you been listening at all? He added four shots to an espresso less drink, and a medium one at that! Sure he's handsome, and like everything I like in a guy, but he's an animal." Richard rolled his eyes as Connor moved about the kitchen, it sounded like he was plating whatever he had cooked.

UnluckyNine: You have yet to describe him as 'three sleep deprived raccoons in a trenchcoat' like you did with Macchiato Guy. So I'm inclined to believe he isn't all bad.

Another tired sigh and Connor's face popped up on his laptop screen. He was in his bedroom with his laptop. There was a cereal bowl in his lap that probably had whatever he'd cooked in it. "Okay, so let's say you're right, and he isn't all bad. What do I even say?"

UnluckyNine: Hello would probably suffice. Make small talk, you're a barista. Get to know him slowly.

Connor rolled his eyes, and rolled his hand expressing that he would need a little more than that to go on.

UnluckyNine: Alright, alright. Assuming he comes back, ask what he does for a living. See if it justifies murdering a perfectly good latte  
UnluckyNine: I have work in the morning so I'm going to call it a night. Good luck.

"Bye Nines. Thanks for listening." Connor gave a half wave before hanging up.


	2. Chapter 1: The Silent Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place about a month after 3 Racoons

Gavin watched with curious eyes as the man at the counter ordered his drink, the movement of his hands was fluid and distinct. Gavin didn't know much ASL but he recognized the sign for 'coffee' and the non personal sign for 'black'. He liked this particular café because it was out of the way and relatively quiet. It was in the college side of town and catered more toward the Deaf, they encouraged their hearing patrons to order using signs. The names of the drinks were typed in a handwriting type script and below that was the sequence of signs for ordering them. It was unique and Gavin like d the idea, though he usually ordered his aloud since it was easier.

The stranger moved to the other counter to wait out his drink. He seemed to notice eyes on him and turned his head looking the café over looking for whoever was staring at his back. His blue eyes met Gavin's and Gavin turned away at being caught. He turned back to the counter when his drink was called. He took it with a nod at the barista and made his way out of the café and into the city.

Gavin finished his drink a while later, heading back toward the university. There was about a day until the new semester started and Gavin wasn't exactly looking forward to his course load. His profiling class he didn't mind, but psychology and math were going to be problems for him. He didn't like the ambiguity of psychology, and frankly he and numbers didn't get along well.

He sighed heading for his apartment. He'd relax for the day, get a good night's rest and deal with the beast that was a full college workload in the morning.

-

Gavin woke to the alarm on his phone, a song from a game that he enjoyed. Hitting snooze he laid in bed for a moment debating sleeping in and getting coffee at the college or forgoing the extra sleep and stopping by Hand Brewed Hope on the way. Familiar routine won out and Gavin climbed out of bed.

Dressing was a boring affair, his usual loose hoodie and a pair of jeans. He grabbed his bag and his keys then made his way to the cafe. The line this time of morning was relatively short. He stood behind a tall brunette in a white faux leather jacket and dark jeans with a brown messenger bag over one shoulder.

The stranger ordered his drink and moved to the far counter signing rather than speaking. Gavin stepped up to the counter, he scanned the menu more for show more than for anything else before ordering his usual.

"Medium Carmel Macchiato with a shot of espresso." He spoke aloud rather than signing and after he paid he headed to the far counter to wait.

The taller stranger gave him an amicable smile, more out of social decency than anything else, and Gavin gave something of a courteous nod. The stranger lifted his and signed something. Gavin didn't know what and stared for a moment.

"Sorry." He said a bit awkwardly, "I don't know sign language."

"He said good morning." The barista behind the counter said as he handed the taller stranger his drink. And well, Gavin did a double take. The barista was the stranger's doppelganger, a few inches shorter and with brown eyes. His nametag read 'Connor' in neat handwriting.

"Ah, good morning then..." Gavin replied looking between the two, unsure if Connor would need to interpret for the stranger.

The taller one signed again, or rather, spelled something out. Gavin recognized the letter 'a' and that was it, he looked to Connor for direction.

"He said his name is Richard. And that it was nice meeting you." Connor once again interjected, saving the otherwise stiff conversation.

"Gavin, its nice to meet you as well." This gained him another quiet nod. Then, with a slight wave Richard excused himself. Gavin's drink came up a short time later and he followed suit.

-

He went through his morning classes in a bit of a daze, thinking about the man from the cafe. He signed, but clearly wasn't Deaf, and despite it being none of Gavin's business, he found himself curious. He had a break between his classes, just over an hour. He headed to the library and took out his phone and earbuds. He passed the time watching videos on ASL, the basics. How to introduce himself, and the alphabet so that he could spell his name.

When it came time to, he made his way to his psych class picking a seat near the wall, close enough to see what was going on, but far enough to hopefully keep from getting called on. Other students filed into the class, tending to sit in clusters. Finding people they knew, and grouping up that way. Gavin wasn't paying much attention until a familiar white jacket entered his field of vision.

Richard began signing, slower than at the cafe and Gavin felt a swell of pride at recognizing the set of letters that made up his name. Richard waited on a response, but Gavin hadn't known the question and expressed as much. Richard sighed and tapped the empty chair beside Gavin and then gestured to himself, and then back to the chair.

It dawned on Gavin a little late, "Uh yeah, you can sit there I guess."

Taking it for the invitation he needed, Richard sat down and got out a notebook as well as a pen. He wrote something down quickly and seeming sure of himself and slid the notebook toward Gavin.

'What are you here to study?'

"My degree is in criminology. What about you?'

He was met with more pen on paper and the returning slide of the notebook, 'Psychology and Forensic Linguistics.'

"But you don't talk, how does that work? Shrink's have to be able to talk to their patients, and if you go into linguistics you'll have to discuss your findings."

That earned him a look, sharp blue eyes narrowing some. A-S-L was signed in short, sharp snaps. Then he was writing again, 'American Sign Language is a language. Secondly, what about deaf patients, they can't exactly be listened to. I plan to go into law enforcement as it is so speech won't be too much of an issue.'

Gavin put his hand up in what he hoped was a placating way, "Sorry. So you plan to go into law enforcement too? That's pretty cool. Think you can help me through this class?"

Richard smiled slightly, and Gavin wasn't sure if he liked it or not. It softened his otherwise sharp features, but something about it was reminisce of a predator going for it's prey. 'Learn to sign and we'll talk about it.'

Gavin decided that he might be in over his head, but he found he didn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: rjhpandapaws


	3. Chapter 2: Sleepless Green Eyes

Richard let out a quiet sigh as he entered the cafe. He liked this place for two reasons, one being that one of his brothers worked here, and the second was that it was designed with the Deaf and nonverbal communities in mind. There was no pressure to speak unless one happened to be so inclined. Richard was not so inclined.

He stood in the shirt line scanning the menu, he planned on ordering his usual of just black coffee, but liked seeing how the menu changed from time to time. He felt eyes on his back but paid them no mind. He stepped to the counter and ordered his drink.

'Medium Coffee Black.' His signs were smooth and fluid, precise in a way that came from years of use. He paid and headed for the end counter, he still felt eyes on his back.

He turned to scan the cafe looking for who it was that seemed to find him so interesting. It seemed that most of the patrons were going about their usual business. Blue eyes met green and the owner of the green eyes looked away. Richard observed that he seemed tired. His hair was a mess and his clothes looked like they'd been slept in or heaped on the floor. Richard returned his attention to the counter when his name was called. He took his drink and waved to his brother before leaving.

He had a busy day ahead of him, the new semester started tomorrow, and he had meetings with all of his professors today in regards to being nonverbal. Richard wasn't looking forward to it. He drank from his coffee as he walked. Today was going to be long and likely annoying, but it was best to get it out of the way now, rather than drop it on his professors in a class full of students tomorrow.

He was a part time student, thankfully, he only had four classes. Psychology, Roots of Modern Historical Issues, Sociology, and a Creative Writing course to fill his credit requirement for electives. It reduced the number of conversations he needed to have and the amount of time he would have to spend on campus on his day off. If things went to plan, this semester would go well.

For the record, things did not go to plan. His creative writing professor was not too inclined to help him. There wasn't much in the way of verbal class participation during the semester, but the final was the reading aloud of an original piece that they had worked on during the semester. Richard had asked if he could have one of his brothers record themself reading the piece aloud and he would sign along to it as his final. She had shot him down citing "his discomfort with speech as no excuse to not participate in her class". So as soon as he was able to he was going to drop the class. His other professors had been much more understanding, thankfully.

-

The next morning he woke at his usual time and took his time getting his things for his classes together. His books and notebooks, as well as the notebook he used to communicate with people who couldn't sign. With everything together, he grabbed the full messenger bag and headed for the cafe. Facing his first day of university would definitely go better caffeinated in his opinion.

The walk to the cafe was short and about as quiet as a morning in Detriot could be. The line when he arrived was thankfully short, he made the tail end of the morning rush if the chaos of the staff behind the counter was anything to go by. When it was his turn to order he changed it just slightly.

'Large Coffee, Black." He signed, giving his brother a tired smile, glad to see that Connor at least was enjoying his morning. Paying for his drink he headed for the end counter, the feeling of being watched from yesterday following him as he went.

He stood to the side of the counter since the cafe was more busy than the day before. After a moment Richard was joined by the stranger from the day before. He looked just as tired. Richard gave a slight nod. He received a smile in return.

'Good Morning.' Richard signed, deciding to greet the stranger and maybe establish some kind of social standing with him.

The stranger frowned, hiking his shoulders up a bit and looking at Richard with confusion lining his gaze, "Ah, um, sorry, but I don't know Sign Language." The man sounded almost ashamed of himself.

"He said good morning." Connor's voice pulled Richard's attention away from the stranger and he gave him an appreciative smile.

"Good morning then." The man replied with a tentative smile, seeming a little more sociable now that he had help.

'R-I-C-H-A-R-D. My Name Is. You Are?' He signed knowing Connor would pick it up if the man still needed help, though it looked like he had recognized something. Time stretched without a reply and Connor came to their rescue again.

"He said his name is Richard." As he spoke, Connor handed Richard his drink which at this point he took just to keep his hands occupied.

"Ah, I'm Gavin its nice to meet you." Gavin seemed more relaxed now, which was good. A check of the time showed that if he didn't get a move on he was going to be late. He nodded to Connor, gave a slight wave to Gavin and made his way to the university.

-

His first class was history, he had half an hour between that and his creative writing class that he used to find a place to spend time that was close enough to his classes to keep from being late. After his creative writing class, he had ten minutes to get to sociology, and ten minutes to get from sociology to psychology.

As he expected, the creative writing class wasn't much his cup of tea. Aside from his professor attempting to get him over his 'fear' of speaking, there just wasn't enough structure for him to enjoy the class. History and sociology went well and he was looking forward to his psychology class. After all that was what one of his degrees was in.

He made his way to the class, with a coffee from the campus cafe and a bit of excitement thrumming through his person. He looked over the classroom, looking for somewhere to sit, and spotted a familiar hoodie and made his way over. Gavin looked up at him in surprise.

'Hello G-A-V-I-N. I Can Sit With You?' He signed it slowly, hoping whatever Gavin had recognized before had been there. And it seemed to be, but he still didn't respond. Annoyed, Richard let out a huff of air and tapped on the empty chair a little harder than needed, pointed at his chest, then back to the chair to make a point.

"Uh, yeah, I guess you can sit there." Gavin said after a long moment. Deciding signing clearly wasn't going to work he pulled the notebook out after sitting down.

'What are you here to study?' He wrote sliding the notebook to Gavin, keeping a hand on it to pull it back after he got a response.

"Criminology. What about you?"

'Psychology and forensic linguistics.'

Gavin seemed conflicted for a moment, his face going on a trip through expressions before settling on a combination of curious and baffled, "But you don't talk? How is that going to work? As a shrink you'd need to be able to speak with your patients. And lingual researchers need to discuss their findings."

Anger flashed through Richard as he signed A-S-L. The signs were sharp and a little more harsh than he intended, but he had hoped that his creative writing professor would be the extend of this that he would have had to deal with. He didn't like that it came from Gavin too.

'American Sign Language is a language.' He underlined the word is to make is point. 'And what about Deaf patients, they can't exactly be listened to. But that aside I have plans to go into law enforcement.'

He shoved the notebook at Gavin with a little more force than was strictly needed. As Gavin read it his expression softened and he looked genuinely sorry.

Gavin raised a hand in a pacifying sort of gesture, "Sorry." He brightened slightly as he continued, "You plan on going into law enforcement too? Think you could help me through this class?"

Richard couldn't help the smile that curled at his lips. What he had seen as a display of ignorance had just been genuine confusion. The smile curled into a smirk as he wrote.

'Learn ASL then we'll talk about it.' This semester seemed like it was going to be interesting after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: rjhpandapaws


	4. Chapter 3: Back Down from a Challenge

In the week or so that he had known Richard, Gavin had come to notice something; Richard could get him to do just about anything if he only asked. It wasn't something that Gavin was familiar with, he wasn't the easiest to get along with after all. He had his opinions and tended to stick with them, even if they were wrong. He had a tendency to get into fights. It goes to say that all of his edges were rough, he liked it that way, it forced people to keep their distance. Everyone, he found, except Richard.

Richard who had his own opinions on things. Who would go toe to toe with Gavin in an argument just because he could. Who had come to his rescue once, when a fist fight that Gavin may or may not have started got a little out of hand. Richard who looked him dead in the eye outside of Hand Brewed Hope that morning and sent him a challenging text.

Tall Phcker from Psych: Bet you won't sign your drink order.  
Tall Phcker from Psych: I'll buy the coffees tomorrow if you do.

Bribed, he was being bribed. He flipped Richard the bird as they walked inside, Gavin coming to stand behind his taller counter part in line, "If I fuck this up I'm blaming you. But hey, free coffee is free coffee."

Tall Phcker from Psych: The signs are on the menu. If you fuck it up its because you're dumb.

"Well that was rude." For once he didn't argue because Richard had a valid point, "Just because I'm not some kind of genius like you doesn't make me dumb."

Richard didn't bother to grace that with a response, instead he stepped up to the counter and ordered his own drink with smooth signs. He paid and stepped to the receiving counter. He looked over at Gavin and raised an eyebrow. An unspoken dare, and well, Gavin had never been one to back down from a challenge.

Gavin stepped up to the counter, looking the menu over for his drink. Connor was behind the counter and probably already knew what he was going to order, but there was free coffee riding on this. He found his drink on the menu and lifted his hands to sign.

'Medium Carmel Macchiato With One Espresso.' It was stilted and choppy, and Gavin was pretty sure he signed the second half wrong, but he had at least tried. For all it was worth, Connor at least looked impressed, or shocked. Gavin couldn't exactly tell.

He paid and met Richard at the receiving counter. Richard already had his drink and was standing out of the way, waiting for Gavin it seemed.

"Well?" He asked, "How did I do?"

Tall Phcker from Psych: It looks like I'm buying drinks tomorrow.

The text was accompanied by a small smile, Richard's equivalent of a shit eating grin, and Gavin's chest filled with pride. Some challenges were worth meeting head on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am also on tumblr!  
> @rjjhpandapaws


	5. Chapter 4: Something to Think About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //warning(s): comparison and self worth issues

Gavin was an outlier for Richard, an oddity of sorts that had come into his life. He didn't have friends, coworkers and classmates, yes, but not friends. No one had ever stuck around before, not until Gavin. Richard didn't branch out easily, and well, most of the people he had met weren't all that inclined to learn to communicate with him. Silas and Connor both had friends in spades and Richard had never envied them. Having the two of them had been enough. Then, along came Gavin, who stuck, and Richard wanted to know why.

Unlike Connor, Richard wasn't overly kind, friendly, or compassionate. He wasn't good for conversation for one blatantly obvious reason. He wasn't exactly known to go out of his way for others. Where Connor was a warm comfort; Richard was cold and unsettling. Or so he had been told. Personally he believed himself to be carefully neutral, not expressing anything unless it was needed. Connor's easily gifted smiles were not something that Richard understood. He was neither compassion or kindness, and yet, Gavin stayed.

Perhaps then, it was to use him. Gavin wouldn't be the first if that was the case. The thought left guilt sitting bitter on the back if his tongue. Outside of class Gavin still interacted with him. Sent him pictures of his cat, of things he thought Richard would like. The interactions were simple and seemed to come easy to Gavin. It didn't seem to bother him that Richard wouldn't always respond to them. It was strange. If not out of ill means, why stick to someone who didn't indulge your antics.

He was different from Silas as well. Silas could take command of a room just by entering it, he was bright and vibrant, full of life in ways that Richard just wasn't. Standing beside Silas, Richard was as good as invisible. Silas was not genuinely kind in the way that Connor was, but made up for it by being captivating and out going, wrapping people around his finger left and right. Things that never did and never did and never would apply to Richard. He held none of the qualities that drew peoples to his brothers, and yet Gavin stayed.

Perhaps then, his motive was pity. Maybe through Gavin's eyes he was a creature to be ogled at, observed, something for him to pull apart and decipher for the sheer purpose of saying he'd been able to. A trophy friend of sorts. Someone that Gavin could show to his other friends as a token of his good nature. That thought hurt, badly, and it didn't quite sit well in Richard's chest. Gavin was doing things that no one aside from his brothers had done. He was learning Sign Language, doing abysmally, but trying.

It had only been a week. Six days technically, but no on was asking. Gavin would try and initiate conversations in sign, mostly fingerspelling and charades, before resorting to speech or text. It was the most effort anyone outside of his family had put into learning him. Richard was moved by it.

If Richard was honest, he didn't exactly understand his own attachment to Gavin all that well either. He was loud, combative, and overly stubborn most days. To top it off he had a penchant for starting fights, and losing them. One instance getting so bad that Richard had to step in, removing Gavin from the situation. Under normal circumstances, Richard would have avoided someone like Gavin as though they were death itself, but with Gavin he didn't. Couldn't, and he didn't know why. This was eating at him and he hated it. Why did Gavin stay? What was it about Richard that he liked?

He was startled out of his spiraling thoughts by his phone going off several times in rapid succession. A string of messages that usually indicated that Gavin was reaching out to him again.

Gavin Reed: Hey dipshit  
Gavin Reed: We still getting coffee  
Gavin Reed: I'm outside the cafe where are you  
Gavin Reed: Did you forget  
Gavin Reed: You forgot  
Gavin Reed: You bribed me into studying with fucking coffee and you aren't even fucking here. What the fuck

Richard read through the texts and gave a weak smile, the dark cloud over his mind relenting some as he typed his response.

Me: I didn't forget. I'm just running late. I will be there soon

Gavin Reed: See you soon  
Gavin Reed: Asshole

Richard rolled his eyes, choosing to leave Gavin on read as he grabbed what he needed before heading out. They would be studying at Hand Brewed Hope, for easy access to caffeine while they studied, and so Gavin could learn a few more signs. Ones that were used in day to day conversation. They had a test coming up in Psychology that Gavin was less than ideally prepared for, and Richard as promised, was going to help him.

He met Gavin outside the cafe feeling his mood lighten a little more. For the sake of having a bit of fun, he sent Gavin a challenge and a bribe.

Me: Bet you won't sign your drink order.  
Me: I'll buy the coffees tomorrow if you do.

Richard figured it would be easy. The words at least, were something he said everyday. Learning to sign them seemed like the reasonable next step. Not according to Gavin if they gesture that was sent Richard's way was he grabbed the door was anything to go by.

"If I fuck this up, I'm blaming you." Gavin groused as he fell in line behind Richard, "But hey, free coffee is free coffee."

Richard rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. There was still someone between him and the counter so he could text without being an asshole.

Me: The signs are up on the menu. If you fuck up its because you're dumb.

"Well that was rude." Gavin spouted off, but as Richard ordered his drink he was distinctly aware of the lack of argument from his counterpart, "Just because I'm not some sort of genius like you doesn't make me dumb."

He paid for his drink and headed to the receiving counter to wait it out. He looked over at Gavin and raised an eyebrow in an unspoken dare. The best way he had found to get Gavin to do something was to imply that he couldn't. In this case, it worked perfectly. Gavin's signing was shaky and childlike but he got his point well enough. Richard was proud of him.

"Well? How did I do?" It was asked in a tone that implied 'see I told you so' and it made Richard smile.

Me: Looks like I'm buying drinks tomorrow.

Gavin lit up as they headed for the table to settle in and start studying. Richard's phone went off a few times and he turned to look back at Connor. His brother was staring back at him with abject confusion written all over his face. Once he was sat down Richard looked at his phone.

Connor: So Macchiato Guy knows Sign Language apparently??  
Connor: You two are friends???  
Connor: You are a raccoon tamer???  
Connor: Explanation please??

Richard looked back at Connor again and shook his head. This would be his secret for a little while longer. At least he now knew who Macchiato Guy was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on tumblr! @rjhpandapaws


	6. Chapter 5: I May Not Know You Well But...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Warning(s): implied obsessive-compulsive behavior, graphic-ish description of a depressive episode, and poor self image.

Gavin wasn't exactly the best with people, he never had been. Social cues were difficult and he tended to miss them anyway. So, he couldn't exactly be blamed for the amount of time it took him to realize Richard wasn't his usual self. They'd known each other a few weeks and hung out pretty consistently, be it to study or just kick back at Gavin's apartment. In the past few days, the silence that accompanied Richard seemed heavier. The joke of tall, dark, and brooding now seemed less a joke and more of a new normal. Gavin was at a loss.

Richard wasn't exactly the most expressive person. His smiles were little more than a slight curl at the corner of his lips that Gavin had quickly learned to look for. It was rare for them to show in his eyes. Gavin had seen that smile once, three weeks ago at the cafe when he had signed his order for the first time. Since then Richard had been more withdrawn. Gavin had believed it to be the usual of Richard playing his cards close to his chest, until today. Today Richard had cancelled their study session and the ones that came after.

Gavin: We still meeting at the cafe today  
Gavin: Asking because I'm running a little late  
Gavin: You're gonna need to grab the table

Tall Phcker from Psych: I think you should find another tutor  
Tall Phcker from Psych: Its nothing personal Gavin

Gavin stared at his phone in shock, in the hall outside his apartment, grocery bags on his arm and probably looking like an idiot, but he didn't understand why this was happening. They were friends right? That couldn't have just been in his head.

Gavin; Was it something I did

Richard has said it wasn't personal, and Gavin wanted to believe him, but this had come out of no where. Gavin shook his head to clear it, he had things he needed to do today. He could manage studying on his own, probably. He opened the door to his apartment, calling a greeting to his cat before heading to the kitchen. He set the bags on the counter and began to unpack them putting their contents away. He tucked the plastic bags under the sink.

Gavin checked his phone, but had no new messages, no explanation for the sudden cut off. He sighed and grabbed his back pack and flopped onto his old beat up couch. He put the backpack beside him on the couch, taking up the spot where he would normally find Richard. Pushing that thought back down where it belonged, Gavin fished out his textbook and flipped to the chapter they were supposed to be covering that week.

Richard had suggested reading the chapter over first, giving it time to sink in, and then going over it again to take notes. So Gavin settled in to read, playing music softly through the smart speaker on the end table. He made progress, for a while, but at some point it devolved into him just staring absently at a diagram, none of the information registering. He was drawn away into his own thoughts, trying to pick apart where he had gone wrong. Trying to figure out what he had done that had caused Richard to pull away from him.

Richard at least seemed to enjoy talking with him, or, at least listening to Gavin talk. He would respond with dry jokes of his own from time to time. Whenever Gavin started something that it turned out he couldn't handle Richard usually came to his aid. Pulling him frim fights, or playing peace keeper, and on occasion simply just being damage control. Outwardly at least, Richard hadn't seemed to mind, but Gavin was beginning to worry that he did. Richard was calm and quiet, a constant to Gavin's rowdy and combative, and he had probably decided that Gavin was too exhausting to keep around. He was violently startled out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating loudly against the end table. He had messages from a number that wasn't in his contact list, which was odd.

313-248-3175: Is this Gavin?  
313-248-3175: My name is Connor. Richard is my younger brother.  
313-248-3175: I would like to talk with you  
313-248-3175: If you have the time that is

Gavin read the texts, and then read them again to make sure he had read them correctly. He added Connor to his contact list before replying.

Gavin: Hey  
Gavin: Is Richard alright

My Name is Connor: I was going to ask you that actually  
My Name is Connor: He has been acting very distant the past few days and I can't figure out why

Gavin: You and me both  
Gavin: He sent me a couple of texts earlier. One saying I should find another Psych tutor and the other saying that it wasn't anything personal

My Name is Connor: hmm  
My Name is Connor: My break is almost over. Mind swinging by Hand Brewed Hope so we an talk  
My Name is Connor: I'm off at 3

Gavin: Alright see you then

Gavin stared at his phone for a long moment. Then scrolled to the top of the short conversation to read through it again to make sure it had actually happened. Richard hadn't pulled away from just him. He was happy for a moment, but that was soon eaten alive by guilt. Connor was clearly worried. Enough so that he would reach out to a stranger to see if they knew anything. Reassured that this (probably) wasn't his fault, anxiety gave way to worry.

What was it that was hurting Richard so badly that he would withdraw from Connor? He'd spoken of him in such high regards before that they had seemed close. Richard had been at least opening his messages, even if it was just to clear the notifications. It couldn't hurt to send another.

Gavin: Text Connor please, he's worried about you

He sent it before he could worry if he had stepped out of line. Even if he had, it was frim a good place. If he didn't ever come to talk to Gavin again, he at least wanted Richard to have Connor to lean on. He didn't like the thought of Richard being alone, even the most composed needed someone to lean on when things got difficult.

As it turned out, time flies when you're worried. He didn't get much more studying done and by the time it was creeping up on three o'clock Gavin was grabbing his jacket and keys for the second time that day. While he was headed down the hall to the lobby he shot Connor a text.

Gavin: Headed your way coffee boy

He eyed his motorcycle in the parking lot for a moment, but decided walking to the cafe would give him more time to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure why Connor wanted to talk. Mutual worry seemed to be part of it, but it also felt like Connor was trying to do damage control.

In a way, Gavin was doing the same thing. Trying to gauge what was wrong and see what he could do to fix it. he just couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe with Connor's help they could get it figured out and try and get a handle on it.

It was after three by the time he arrived at the cafe. He scanned they place for Connor and found him at the corner table where he and Richard sat to study. Connor met his eyes and waved him over. There were two cups on the table, when he sat down Connor slid the bigger one over to him.

"Thanks." Gavin said trying to relax some in the chair, "So you wanted to talk to me?"

Connor was still in his work uniform and his expression was friendly, but the worry was still showing through, "Yeah. If that's okay. You're a friend of his and i thought he might have told you what was wrong, but since he didn't I thought we could compare notes on what's been going on."

Gavin took a drink for the sole purpose of stalling the conversation, glad to find the drink was his usual. "That makes sense. I didn't notice until a few days ago, but looking back on it, this started just after the day I first signed my drink order. He seemed really happy that day, but after that he started pulling away from me."

Connor nodded, keeping his eyes on Gavin, but it felt like Connor was looking through him rather than at him, "he really seems to like you. I've never seen him go out of his way to interact with someone before."

Gavin took a moment to let that sink in. Richard didn't seem the type to have a lot of friends, but Gavin had assumed he was on of a few.

"Seemed to." Gavin found himself saying, "He decided today that he's apparently better off if we don't talk."

"He didn't say that!" Connor snapped with enough volume and venom in his voice that a few other patrons looked over at them, "According to your own messages he said that you should find a new tutor, not that he disliked you." Both Connor's voice and expression were sharp as he defended his brother, "Anyway, its like you said. After that day he started to pull away. With me at least, it started with him not returning my texts, then yesterday he asked me to stop calling him, and I haven't heard from him since. He's at least reading my messages, but that doesn't make me feel much better."

"Because he doesn't like having the notifications hanging around." Gavin said with a nod. Richard was odd about organization and clutter. Gavin had actively started keeping his apartment clean after Richard's first visit had resulted in him having a panic attack, "Its not exactly reassuring."

"No." Connor sighed, "Its not." He drank from his own cup and then sat forward, "The only thing that has changed in his life recently is you." Connor held up his hand silencing Gavin's building argument, "I'm not blaming you. It was a positive change, he was coming out of his shell. But I can't help to wonder if it was too much at once."

"Maybe we should go see him." Gavin suggested, "We don't know what's going on and he isn't answering our messages. He doesn't want to come to us, so instead we should go to him."

"But what if he wants to be alone? He's a very private person you know." Connor argued, though it sounded weak to Gavin.

"Should he be alone though? By your own words, he's almost always been alone. What if this time its different Connor? What if he needs someone and doesn't know how to ask?" Gavin paused to breathe, "He's used to being relied on, relying on others may be new to him."

Connor just stared at him, like Gavin had said something he hadn't thought of. His brown eyes narrowed before he stood like the devil himself was on his heels. He looked down at Gavin, the determination of the rest of his expression only just masking the worry lingering in his eyes, "Well? Are you coming or not."

Gavin took a moment to collect himself before standing. He grabbed his cup and followed Connor out of the cafe. The brunette took his apron off as he walked, a skill Gavin was genuinely impressed by, and folded it under his arm keeping it close. Gavin trailed behind Connor trying not to lose him to the crowd but he was cutting a fast pace. He'd never personally been to Richard's apartment but knew he at least lived close by. He often mentioned walking to the cafe. Connor turned down a side street that Gavin almost missed. He slowed down some so Gavin assumed they were getting close.

"Have you ever been to Nines's place before?" Connor asked, not turning to face Gavin.

"Nines?" Gavin asked, unsure if it was a nickname or another person all together, "Uh, no, why?"

"Nines is Richard's nickname, the number always seems to bring him good luck." Connor elaborated, smiling at some memory that Gavin wasn't privy to, "Ah, then he may not like you showing up uninvited."

"Well he should have thought about that before he decided to drop off the fucking grid." Gavin responded defensively, "Look I'll apologize after all of this is fixed, buy him something fuzzy. The whole bit."

Connor stopped to look over at Gavin, "How do you know about his texture sensitivity? He never tells anyone about that."

"If it makes you feel any better, I just found out from you." Gavin remarked, "I just figured he like d fuzzy shit because I have a cat at my place and he takes her hostage every time he comes over."

Guilt settled onto Connor's features and he began walking with purpose again, "Oh. Please don't tell him I told you."

"Don't worry, I won't." Gavin said with a casual shrug.

The silence settled over him again, but it was less suffocating this time, the urgency remained but they were no longer being smothered by it. Connor lead him into a parking lot, not the main one by the look of it and headed for a building marked A3. Gavin followed, only slightly less sure of himself than before. There had to be a reason Richard hadn't opened his apartment to Gavin, and now that Connor had mentioned it; he wondered if showing up unannounced was breaking some unspoken rule. Gavin's worry won out over his guilt. As the saying went, it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Richard lived on the fifth floor at the end of the building opposite the elevator because of course he did. Gavin was winded by the time they reached their stop, and mad because Connor wasn't. The bastard continued down the hall like they hadn't just climbed five floors worth of stairs. They arrived at apartment 509-A and Gavin was relatively certain that Richard could hear his breathing from wherever he happened to be in his apartment. Connor took a key from his pants pocket and much to Gavin's surprise opened the door without knocking. He had figured Connor to be more polite than that, but as it was, looks could be deceiving.

"Richard?" Connor called into the silent apartment as he entered, "Its me, Connor. I brought Gavin with me. We just want to talk alright? We're worried about you."

Connor had taken his shoes off at the door and set them aside, so Gavin copied the action. He knew they wouldn't receive a verbal response, but the lack of movement worried him. He let Connor take point because he knew the apartment better, and Gavin figured seeing his brother first might keep Richard from freaking out too much.

The living room and kitchen areas were both empty. The items and furniture in them in such specific places that they looked sterile and unlived in. Not even a dish out of place. No wonder his first visit to Gavin's place had caused him to panic. Connor continued down the hall, the first two rooms were empty, one was the bathroom and the other was a makeshift office. Both as clean and sterile as the rest of the apartment. It was unsettling. There was a third door at the end of the hall that was closed, this one Connor knocked on before opening.

The lights were off and the curtains closed, though they weren't thick enough to block out the light. There was a lump curled up under the covers that was most likely Richard.

"I'm going to turn the light on." Connor warned gently, giving Richard enough time to acknowledge it, though he didn't give any kind of response, before turning on the light.

The room was a mess, not just in relation to the sterile clean of the rest of the apartment, but an actual mess. Clothes were scattered on the floor and piled on the bed, pulled from the dresser and closet from the looks of it. Not that Gavin was given much time to observe it. After the light came on Richard sat up in bed, blue eyes locking on Gavin, pain and anger fighting for control of them while tears threatened to spill over.

'Get Out!' He signed, 'Leave!'

Gavin flinched and took a half step back, but otherwise held his ground, he didn't understand why Richard was angry with him. It was the most emotion he'd ever seen from him. It wrapped his whole body, darkened his eyes and made him look dangerous. Being the cause of such a visceral reaction cut Gavin to his core. It shook his resolve almost to the point of shattering it. This was personal after all, the text to the contrary was Richard trying to keep the peace like he always did. Gavin should have listened.

"Can... can you at least tell me what I did wrong?" Gavin was looking everywhere but in Richard's eyes, settling on his hands as he began to sign.

'You Lie. Not My Friend. Only Want Teacher.'

Hurt flared even ore violently in Gavin's chest and he shrank in on himself, "I... you're my friend Richard. I never meant for you to feel like this. I want to fix it."

'LIAR!' Gavin's eyes snapped up to Richard's when he heard a choked off sob. Tears were spilling down Richard's cheeks and it was Gavin's fault. 'Not My Friend. Now Leave.'

"Alright. If you want me to go, I will" Gavin's voice wavered, tears pressing at the back of his eyes threatening to spill over, but Connor cut him off before he could finish his apology.

"No Richard, he stays." Connor had moved to the edge of Richard's bed at some point and was holding a notebook, reading whatever was on the page, "He was the one that said we should come by. He cares about you and is worried for you."

Richard seemed to notice what Connor had and lunged for it. Connor stepped back away from the bed tucking the notebook to his chest.

Richard signed something at Connor that Gavin didn't see enough to catch or understand. Connor didn't respond right away, walking toward Gavin instead.

"I am going to show him Nines, it is about him after all." Connor's tone wasn't condescending, but he still sounded like he was speaking to a child, "You have said your piece. Gavin deserves a chance to say his."

Connor handed the notebook to Gavin and he held it like it was something precious. He turned it over so he could read the page, and immediately wished he hadn't. There. In Richard's near perfect handwriting was 'he doesn't like me' written repeatedly, getting less legible as it went down the page, tear stained in some places. On the bottom most line 'Gavin hates me' was written in blocky capital letters. Gavin shook his head like that would somehow change the words on the page. He looked back up at Richard and the dam broke, tears spilling over and down his face.

"I... I don't hate you. And I'm so, so sorry for whatever I did that made it seem that way." He sniffed disgustingly and wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

Richard's hands were shaking badly and Gavin couldn't read his signs, he looked at Connor desperate to understand what he was being told. Connor spoke once Richard's hands came to a stop.

"You stayed, no one ever stays. Not for me." Connor paused, sounding as though he was on the verge of tears himself, "I'm not worth the effort. Its too difficult to communicate with me. So no one stays. People don't like me. I am not worth knowing."

Gavin balked at that. Sure Richard wasn't friendly outwardly, but he showed his kindness in other ways.

"I stayed because I like you. You're smart, quick with a joke and nice to have around." He took a breath taking a few tentative steps toward the bed keeping the notebook close, "I'm not the easiest to get along with either, and people aren't quick to hang around. But you did."

'You Taught Me Your Language.' Gavin signed hoping to convey how much that act alone had meant to him.

Richard's hands went flying, signing at a speed Gavin couldn't hope to understand. He was apparently operating under the assumption that Connor would continue to act as their translator.

"You don't know me." Connor paused, letting Richard sign more of his thoughts before continuing, "I am not my brothers. I am not kind. People are difficult and they cause me stress. You do not, being around you is nice. I'm not used to it and it scares me."

Gavin set the notebook on the bed and Richard was quick to grab it.

"You're right, I don't know you all that well, but I still let you into my home, showed you my cat, and let you eat your way through my fridge. I only tolerate that kind of behavior from my friends." He took a breath having found his footing, he barreled forward. He would lose his nerve if he stopped now, "You're right, you aren't Connor and that's what I like about you."

Connor let out a sound that was something between a laugh and an offended scoff. Gavin kept talking.

"You're Richard. You leave me on read until I send you pictures of Frankie. You text me at ass o'clock in the morning because you think that if you're awake I should be too. You come to my rescue when I get in over my head. You push me to be better, and I need that more than you know. So you're absolutely right, I may not know you well, but I wouldn't be adverse to trying."

Richard stared at him owlishly in a way that did remind him of Connor. Gavin was beginning to get uncomfortable, he wasn't good at talking about his feelings and he didn't want Richard to feel pressured by his apparent diarrhea of the mouth.

Richard picked up the notebook turning it to a clean page. He shuffled things around in the nightstand until he came away with a pen. He wrote something down quickly and showed it to Gavin.

'Do you mean it?'

"Of course I mean it dipshit." Gavin cracked a feeble and watery smile, "I may be many things, but a liar isn't one of them."

More writing, scratching out whatever he had put down, not liking it and trying again. Gavin ignored the previous two attempts and read the third.

'Thank you Gavin. It means more than you know. I am sorry I worried you, but having friends is difficult and scary. I will try not to do this again but I can't promise anything.'

Gavin shook his head, "Then don't promise. Ask for help. Connor is here for you, I haven't met your other brother but I'm sure he is too, and so am I. You're not alone. Not anymore."

Richard still looked unsure of himself. He looked between Connor and Gavin as though he expected one of them to take it back, when neither did he gave a phantom of a smile. Things weren't better, and it might be a long while before they were. Richard was fighting something big, and he'd been fighting it for a while. The difference now, was that he wasn't fighting it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this story it was going to be fluff and coffee dates, but here we are.  
> tumblr: rjhpandapaws


	7. Chapter 6: ...I Wouldn't be Adverse to Trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //warning(s): detached sense of self, depression, out of control thought spiral, self harm, rationalization of self harm, low self worth, suicidal ideation

Richard was confused and scared. He'd experienced both emotions before, but he'd never felt both at the same time. He was unsettled in a way that seemed heavier and more permanent than his other bouts of more intense emotion. His world felt like it was irreversibly and simultaneously titling on its axis and shaking apart. Richard was left in the free fall.

He was still pacing his apartment, he'd stopped counting the rounds at ninety-nine. A perfect number, a double that would bring him good luck. He paced from his front door to the far wall of his living room. A path that kept him from bumping into or touching anything. Nothing would be moved from its place. Everything had a place. Things would be fine as long as nothing got moved.

Richard didn't have a place in his own life any longer, meeting Gavin had violently dislodged him from it. This was Gavin's fault. Had he not met Gavin he would still have his place. If Gavin was no longer part of his life, things would go back to normal. No more clinging. No more late night conversations. No more pictures of Franklyn. No more movie nights. No more coffee meet ups. He would be back to normal. His world would stabilize. He would be alone.

Richard didn't like being alone. It was unpleasant. It clung to him like tar, and ever-present reminder that knowing him was more effort than it was worth. Gavin would leave on his own eventually. The loneliness would pull Richard under again and this time he would drown.

At some point he had stopped pacing. He needed to get away from these thoughts. Why had he stopped moving? He needed to think, thinking was difficult. Something close to him was playing music and something else was vibrating against his chest. Why? Was it his phone? Someone was calling him. It would be rude not to answer.

Oh.

It was Connor. He didn't want to talk to Connor. He would worry. His worry was stifling. Like the loneliness, except his head was being held down by someone instead of having something else pull him under. He stared at the phone until he missed the call, cleared that notification as well as the one for the voicemail that followed it. He should let Connor know that he didn't want to talk. That's what a good brother would do. That's what Silas would do. Was Richard a good brother? He didn't think so. He should text Connor and tell him he doesn't want to talk.

Me: Stop calling. I don't want to talk.

Connor: Richard?  
Connor: Is everything alright?

Richard opened both messages so they would go away. Nothing was alright. Connor was being annoying and Gavin was insisting on on sticking to him. They should both go away, but if they went away he would be alone. If he was alone he would drown. He didn't want to drown. Dying that way was painful. He put his phone on silent and put it back in his shirt pocket, back in its place.

He looked down the hallway and scratched at his wrist, it was grounding. His left, so no one would see if it bled. He was tired. He should sleep. Sleeping would help. His wrist was becoming raw, the sting would keep him from drowning. Pain was good company. He would be fine with it if he didn't wake up. He would no longer be Connor's burden. Gavin would be free of him and his loneliness would be gone. It would be calm and quiet because there would be nothing. His wrist was bleeding now, but that was fine. He just wanted to rest. If he woke up he would deal with the blood then. He nodded stiffly and made his way to his room.

He hated this room. It was a prison. Clean and unlived in. Everything had a place. This was not his. He liked the couch better. Couches were for company. He didn't have company. No one was allowed here. It was not their place. It wasn't his. He would make it his.

That thought brought with it anger, and the anger moved him. First to his dresser. He pulled violently on the top most drawer, knocking something off the top of the dresser. It hit the ground and broke, Richard didn't care. He pulled the clothes from the drawer tossing them away from him as though they were worth nothing. When it was empty he slammed it shut. He did this until the dresser was empty. From his spot on the floor, he stared at his closet. He didn't like that either.

The metal doors opened too fast, the sound was grating and he didn't like it. He needed to get rid of them. They were too heavy, they would have to stay. He pulled the clothes from their hangers. Some of them tore, he didn't have it in him to care. These were thrown into the room too. Being angry was exhausting. Being was exhausting. He should lay down. Sleeping would turn all of this off. His mind would be quiet. He didn't want to wake up, he wanted to stay in the quiet. Numb silence was safe.

He got into bed on top of the covers. He pulled the soft throw from the foot of the bed over him. This would be enough. He closed his eyes and his thoughts screamed. They were too loud. Too much. He didn't want them. He wanted silence. He wanted to be numb. He didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to be alone.

Gavin didn't like him. Gavin was using him. Gavin hated him. All of this was Gavin's fault. He didn't want to think about Gavin. He didn't want to think. He wanted to sleep. He didn't want to wake up.

A sob wracked his frame, it was chased by a frustrated groan. His thoughts wouldn't stop. He needed to make them. He needed to get them out. They had to go away. He sat up and wiped his eyes, the movement hurt his wrist. It was grounding. He did it again. This was Gavin's fault. Gavin didn't like him. Gavin was using him. Gavin hated him. No one ever stayed. Gavin would leave and so would Connor.

His thoughts were too loud and only getting louder. He opened his nightstand and got out his personal notebook as well as the pen that sat beside it. He wrote out his thoughts. Kept writing them, covering pages until the loop finally stopped, ground to a halt because of exhaustion. He set the notebook and aside and put the pen where it wouldn't be lost. Nothing had a place anymore. Not Richard. Not his things. He wanted to sleep. He didn't want to wake up. His mind was finally quiet. He could finally sleep. He laid down and the dark didn't take long to claim him.

Sleep was a mercy, he didn't dream, or if he did he hadn't remembered them, but he did wake. It was unpleasant. His arm hurt and he didn't know how long he had been down for. His phone was no longer in his pocket. It must have fallen out while he was asleep. When he found it he looked at the time. He'd slept through the night apparently, it was eleven in the morning. He had several texts from Connor, each progressively more worried than the last. He opened them so the notifications would go away. Gavin had texted too. Richard didn't like that. Gavin was the cause of all of this. He needed to go away. If he wouldn't do it himself, Richard would do it for him. This was Gavin's fault.

Gavin Reed: We still meeting at the cafe today  
Gavin Reed: Asking because I'm running a little late  
Gavin Reed: You're gonna need to grab the table

Gavin was using him. Gavin was not his friend. Gavin was a liar. Richard had known all along. He did not want this anymore. This was all Gavin's fault. But Gavin also didn't know any better. Everyone Richard had met had used him. Gavin was no different.

Me: I think you should find another tutor.  
Me: Its nothing personal Gavin

And it really wasn't, not against Gavin anyway. He was only doing what everyone else did. Gavin was at fault for being nice, and Richard was just as much at fault for believing him and getting attached.

Gavin Reed: Was it something I did

Was it something Gavin had done? He'd stomped into Richard's life and acted like he belonged. Dislodged Richard from his routine. Had Gavin not done that Richard would be fine. Alone, but alright. That spiral of destruction had at least been slow. Now his world was in upheaval. Nothing had a place anymore. Not Gavin, not Connor, and not Richard. He felt like he was free falling onto a pit of spikes.

A new message popped up from Gavin.

Gavin Reed: Text Connor please, he's worried about you

Let him worry then. He dropped his phone off the edge of the bed. he didn't want to have to deal with it anymore. Not Gavin, not Connor, and not this horrible feeling of displacement. He just wanted to sleep. He didn't want to wake up. It wasn't worth it. None of this was. The loneliness was suffocating, but the alternative was an unknown. Richard didn't like unknowns.

He wanted to go back in time, to that second day and tell himself to steer clear of Gavin. To change his schedule. Anything to keep from having to meet him. Being alone had to be better than this. Yet the thought of going back to having no one felt bitter. But bitter had to be better than abject terror, it had to be. he couldn't stand living like this.

Richard drifted, his thoughts began to lose traction until they stopped and he slipped under again. The silence of his sleep was oppressive this time. It weighed down on him. It was not rest, this was uneasy. He slept restlessly waking up, only to be pulled under again before he was fully coherent. The next time he woke was because something was wrong. He couldn't place what, but something had changed. He curled in on himself tighter, trying to make his lanky frame as small as possible. If he kept still long enough, surely it would pass and he could get back to sleep. Perhaps the third time would be the charm as they say.

There was a knock on his door. Three light taps before it creaked open, someone was there. If he didn't respond they would probably go away. He didn't want to be seen like this.

"I'm going to turn the light on." That was Connor's voice. Why was Connor here? Richard had made it clear he didn't want to talk to him. As promised, the bedroom light came on a few moments later.

Richard sat up and let his eyes adjust. He kept the blanket in his lap, running his fingers over the softness, grounded by that and the slight pain it brought to his wrist. There were two people in his room, one was Connor and behind him was Gavin. Why was he here? This was his fault. Hadn't he caused Richard enough pain already?

'Get Out!' He signed harshly. His wrist hurt but it was no longer the grounding sort of pain. It was sharp and reminiscent of the anger he was feeling. Better to show his anger than his fear, 'Leave!'

Gavin backed off a step, flinching away from him like he was afraid. Richard had mixed feelings about that. Satisfaction, because perhaps now Gavin would leave, and, apprehension because now that Gavin was here a part of Richard wanted him to stay. Gavin wouldn't meet Richard's eyes. Gavin knew this was his fault then. Good.

"Can," Gavin's voice was tight, small, and unsure. He kept his eyes down. "Can you at least tell me what I did wrong?"

Everything. Gavin had done everything wrong. He had stayed, had the nerve to look at Richard like he was worth something. Like Richard was a friend rather than a means to an end. Like everyone else Gavin had used him, but it was infinitely worse this time because Richard had fallen for it. He had given in with the hope that this time it would be different. Then he had time to think about it and tried to push Gavin back to a safe distance, but Gavin had refused to budge and now he was here. He wanted Richard to be miserable. Gavin was not his friend.

'You Lie.' He closed his eyes to keep from seeing Gavin's reaction and to hold back against the emotions that were bubbling to life in his chest, 'Not My Friend. Only Want Teacher.'

"I... you're my friend Richard." Gavin sounded like he was in physical pain, "I never meant for you to feel like this. I want to fix it."

'LIAR!' A sob rattled up and out of Richard's chest, he was late to cut it off and his tears pilled over without his permission, anger melting into pain and fear. Making him weak. His signs were becoming sloppy, 'Not My Friend. Now Leave.'

"Alright. If you want me to go, I will." It barely registered over the hurt that Gavin was listening to him. People didn't tend to listen to Richard, they had better things to do.

Connor's voice cut across that train of thought. It came from much closer than when he'd first spoke. Richard hadn't heard him move. He was too close.

"No Richard, he stays." Richard turned to look at Connor who was beside his bed with Richard's personal notebook in his hands. He was reading it. "He was the one that said we should come by. He cares about you and is worried for you."

Richard was much more concerned about the notebook, those were his thoughts. he grabbed for it, moving too fast and getting dizzy, 'That Mine. Not For Him! No Showing!'

"I am going to show him Nines, it is about him after all," Connor's tone was a mix of kind and chastising. "You have said you piece. Gavin deserves a chance to say his."

Richard watched Gavin as he read over the page, he didn't know which of the few that it was, but it looked like it was making him sick. Guilt ate at Richard, starting out loud and violent before settling down to rest along side the fear and sadness in his chest. When Gavin looked at him again, he was crying.

"I... I don't hate you." He rubbed at his face, wiping away his tears though his voice was still laden with them, "And I am so, so sorry for whatever I did that made you feel that way."

Richard signed, trying and failing to keep his hands steady. They were messy and he knew Gavin would need Connor's help, but he needed to get these off his chest before they suffocated him.

"You stayed, no one ever stays. Not for me." Connor paused to compose himself. He took a deep breath before continuing, " I'm not worth the effort. Its too difficult to communicate with me. So no one stays. People don't like me. I am not worth knowing."

Gavin looked at Richard like he had said something personally offensive. "I stayed because I like you. You're smart, quick with a joke and nice to have around," Gavin caught his breath and stepped toward the bed, keeping the notebook with him. "I'm not the easiest to get along with either, and people aren't quick to hang around. But you did."

Gavin tucked the notebook under his arm, freeing up his hands, 'You Taught Me Your Language.'

Richard felt a storm of things all at once, he couldn't decipher them all, but fear was there. It was familiar. Richard took hold of it and ran, letting Connor pick up the slack. He needed to get these feelings out. They were too much to have all at once.

"You don't know me." Connor narrated, keeping his voice as level as he could, "I am not my brothers, I am not kind. People are difficult and they cause me stress. You do not, being around you is nice. I am not used to it and it scares me."

"You're right I don't know you all that well, but I still let you into my home, showed you my cat, and let you eat your way through my fridge. I only tolerate that kind of behavior from my friends," Gavin took a breath, finally setting the notebook down, he continued speaking as Richard grabbed it. "You're right. You aren't Connor, and that's what I like about you."

Connor rolled his eyes at that. the serious mood lightened some. Richard still felt like he was in free fall. All of this was new to him, but listening to Gavin was comforting in a way he hadn't felt before.

"You're Richard. You leave me on read until I send you pictures of Frankie. You text me at ass o'clock in the morning because you think that if you're awake then I should be too," The life was coming back to Gavin slowly. Despite him talking like Richard was actually worth something, the terror of the thought wasn't as all consuming as it had been before. Sitting face to face with Gavin. Richard almost believed it, "You come to my rescue when I get in over my head. You push me to be better, and I need that more than you know. So you're absolutely right, I may not know you well, but I wouldn't be adverse to trying."

Richard was reeling. Gavin liked him, apparently enough to come crashing into a space that wasn't his to ensure that Richard had a soft place to land when things fell apart. It was strange in that it was something new. Something he didn't understand. He was unsure, but Gavin seemed sincere and also afraid.

Richard turned to a blank page in his notebook and dug around for his pen. He wrote quickly and it wasn't as neat as he would have otherwise liked, but he needed to know. he flipped the book toward Gavin.

'Do you mean it?' Richard didn't want to risk being lied to. It seemed too good to be true, people didn't do these kinds of things for him.

"Of course I mean it dipshit," Gavin tried to give his usual smile, even without the confidence it was still sincere. "I may be many things, but a lair isn't one of them.'

Richard began spilling his thoughts, confessing to everything. Gavin trusted him, it was only fair he did the same. Then he crossed it out, these thoughts were his to bear, Gavin wanted a friend not a burden. So next he wrote an apology. For what he had thought, what he had felt, for worrying Gavin, for being a burden; and crossed that out too. It would only upset Gavin again. He settled for thank you. It wasn't be enough, and it never would be, but it was the best he could give for now.

'Thank you Gavin. It means more than you know. I'm sorry I worried you, but having friends is difficult and scary. I will try not to do this again but I can't promise anything.'

"Then don't promise," It was said kindly but didn't leave room for Richard to argue his point that this was his burden to bear not Gavin's. "Ask for help. Connor is here for you, I haven't met your other brother but I'm sure he is too, and so am I. You're not alone. Not anymore."

Richard wasn't so sure, Connor and Gavin surely had better things to do. Even at that they had still come to him and at least tried to pull him out of his own head. Gavin didn't know what he was stepping into, but he still seemed sure of himself. It comforted Richard and he gave a weak, tired smile. He would try, even if it was just so that Gavin wouldn't have to see him like this again. he wouldn't have to face this alone, but having someone see the worst of him seemed just as daunting. Gavin was nothing if not stubborn, he would drag Richard back to his feet if needed. He could do this, if not on his own, then with help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all of the feelings, it gets better soon!  
> tumblr: rjhpandapaws


	8. Chapter 7: Adventures in Interior Decorating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good feelings ahead! Its long-ish to make up for the last 2 chapters.  
> <3 Panda
> 
> Also 160 kudos in 2 days, you guys are amazing!!!!

Tina eyed Gavin suspiciously as she leaned on the bar. Normally they would be doing this on a Friday rather than a Wednesday, but for once Gavin had other plans for the weekend. So it was either move the "gays night out" as Tina called it up a bit, or not have one this week. Tina was not exactly pleased with the change of plans since she was working early the next day. Setting her beer glass down she spoke.  
"So let me get this straight," she started and leaned into Gavin, not even laughing at what would normally be a joke between them. "You moved our night out up two fucking nights into the work week because you're going to spend the weekend with some guy named Richard. Helping him remodel his apartment or whatever, but you're not sleeping with him."

"Tina, my answer isn't going to have changed from the last three fucking times you asked me," Gavin replied with an exasperated sigh. "We aren't sleeping together. He's just a friend."

"So was Allen. Until he wasn't," she said sitting back like she had made some kind of point.

Gavin rolled his eyes, "Richard is different, its not like that with him. I see him a bit like I see you."

"That's a lie. you've never adjusted your schedule to help me remodel," she argued, her tipsiness making her more combative.

"Tina, you haven't remodeled anything." Gavin pointed out, "I think you've had enough for the night, let's settle the tab and call it. You have an early start tomorrow."

Tina seemed like she was going to argue for a moment before she nodded. She stood, needing a moment to regain her footing before walking to the end of the bar to pay. Gavin followed suit. They headed outside waiting for their respective rides. Tina for her girlfriend and Gavin for his Uber.

Tina took a deep steadying breath before speaking, "Just... be careful okay? I know I don't know him, but I just don't want to risk seeing you back in a place like you were after Allen."

"I know T." Gavin said straightening up off the wall, "You're just looking out for me. I respect that."

She nodded as a familiar car pulled up to the curb she headed for it living a hand to wave at him as she went, "Good night Gav."

"Yeah you too." He returned the wave and watched her go.

She had always been that way, looking out for him and at least trying to protect him. He understood the warning. the no feelings involved arrangement with Aleen had collapsed in on itself when Gavin went ahead and caught feelings and Allen hadn't. The fight that happened after had ended their friendship and left Gavin in a bad way for quite a while. Tina had been left to pick up the pieces and be damage control when Gavin self destructed. Her suspicion of Richard, although misplaced in Gavin's opinion, came from a well meaning place.

The weekend crept up on Gavin and it was Friday afternoon before he knew it. He was running around his apartment like a madman, packing all of the things he might need for a weekend at Richard's place. It would be his first time there since Richard's panic attack as well as his first time there as an invited guest. Tina would come by twice a day to check on Frankie. The cat in mention was watching him from her place at the top of her cat tower. He reached up to pet the mildly overweight black feline.

"I'll be back in a couple days," he said in a voice one might use for a child. "Be good for your Aunt Tina okay?"

She leaned into his hand before he pulled away and picked up the duffle bag. He made sure he had his keys and his phone before heading down to the parking lot. This weekend was kind of a big deal for Richard as well. He'd never had anyone stay over at his apartment before, and on top of that, they would be remodeling it. Trying to make it into a place that Richard could feel at home in rather than trapped. When Gavin arrived at his bike he sent Richard a text.

Gavin: Getting ready to head your way. Need me to pick anything up on my way over?

Tall Phcker from Psych: No. Not that I can think of.

Gavin: Alright, see you soon.

He strapped his bag to his bike, with it situated safely he put his helmet on and got on the bike himself. He left the complex and made his way over to Richard's. He was looking forward to the weekend, hanging out with Richard was always a good time. Something that was as important to Richard as this was bound to be the same. Gavin parked as close to the building as he could. He still had to go up the stairs to get to Nines's apartment, he was not packing his bag all the way across a fucking parking lot on top of all that.

Gavin got off the bike, took his helmet off and unclipped the duffel bag. He slung it over his shoulder and headed for the stairs. He sent another text before heading up.

Gavin: On my way up to you

Tall Phcker from Psych: Ok. The door is unlocked.

Gavin tucked his phone away and began his trek up the stairs. It probably would have been smarter to take the elevator, but Gavin only knew how to find the apartment from the stairs. It was the fifth unit from the end on the left from this direction, and he didn't know how many from the elevator it was. Like last time, Gavin was fighting for his breath when he got to the top.

Gavin opened the door and took his shoes off, putting them on the bottom shelf of the slate grey shoe rack that Richard had bought online. It was the first personal touch he'd added to the place, and the thing that had started all of this. Straightening up, he smiled at Richard.

"Where do you want this?" He asked gesturing to the bag on his shoulder.

Richard looked up from where he was getting something out of the fridge and pointed to the couch. Gavin made his way over to the couch and set the bag down. He stretched before squatting down and digging through it. He made a sound of victory when he came away with what he was looking for, he smiled and hid the small box behind his back as he made his way back to the kitchen. On the counter were two glass bottles of old fashioned soda, the same kind Gavin usually had at his place.

"Thanks." Gavin said accepting the bottle that was slid across the island toward him, "I got you something, a bit of a house warming gift."

Gavin set the hastily wrapped gift on the island and slid it toward Richard. He grabbed the bottle and popped the cap off with practiced ease. Richard was careful as he unwrapped the gift, looking like he was trying to avoid tearing the wrapping paper. He got to the nondescript box and looked at it for a long moment, before opening it just as carefully. He took out the white porcelain mug, turning it over in his hands until he got to the text. 'Silence is Golden' was printed in light blue cursive script. He set the mug down carefully, looking at him with one of the biggest smiles Gavin had ever seen on him.

'Thank You.' He signed, 'I Love It.'

"I'm glad," Gavin took a drink from the cool soda, finding it refreshing after his trip up the stairs. "I saw it in the campus bookstore and thought you might like it."

Richard took a drink from his own bottle while Gavin picked up the trash from the counter trying to minimize the clutter. He left the mug alone, Richard could decide what he wanted to do with it.

"What's the plan for tonight?" Gavin asked heading for the living room figuring Richard would follow him to the couch, "Online shopping, actual shopping, relaxing, or getting started on changing around this place?"

Richard sat beside him on the couch in his usual proper posture, stiff and rigid in comparison to Gavin who looked like he had been poured onto it. Richard tapped his fingers along the bottle in his hands as he thought about it. This whole thing was a big decision for him. Gavin would give him as much time as he needed for his choice.

Eventually Richard set his bottle down and began signing, stopping then restarting several times before letting out an annoyed sigh. He picked up his phone, choosing to type out his thoughts instead. Gavin's signing was slowly getting better, but he wasn't anywhere near fluent and his understanding was still hit and miss.

Tall Phcker from Psych: Could we stay in tonight? Relax and maybe look at things online?  
Tall Phcker from Psych: I don't think I'm ready to do much else yet

"That's perfectly fine." He turned on the tv and flipped it over to something they didn't have to invest much attention in, "We'll only do what you're comfortable with."

That was how they spent the afternoon, scrolling through online furniture stores. Richard made a list of what he wanted to get and colors he hoped to find them in. It was hours later when they were pulled from the moment by Gavin's empty stomach growling out its discontent.

'Food?' Richard signed with an amused shine to his eyes.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea." Gavin said with a chuckle of his own, one hand pressed firmly over his abdomen to muffle any further noises, "You in the mood to cook or is it a take out kind of night?"

Richard answered by pulling up a delivery app on his phone. He picked an Italian place and put in his order before handing the phone off to Gavin. He looked over the menu ordering food for himself and passing the phone back to Richard so he could add something else if he wanted before placing the order.

They took a break when the food arrived, setting it up on the coffee table. It was nice and comfortable, like the evenings they sometimes spent at Gavin's place. This was a nice feeling. They stayed like that well into the night. Passing notes like little kids until it was late enough in the evening that Gavin felt like he was going to collapse into the coffee table from his place on the floor. He yawned so widely that his jaw cracked and spoke aloud for the first time in hours.

"So how are we doing this Nines?" He rubbed at his face to try and wake up more, considering as conversations tended to require more brain power than he currently possessed.

'You Take Couch. I Take Bed.' Came the reply before Richard began cleaning up the coffee table. Right, they still had to move that.

Gavin helped as well, throwing out the garbage while Richard packed up and put away the left over food. Despite it being Richard's living room rather than Gavin's, they still moved as a unit to clear the living room for the pull out bed. When that was done Richard stepped back observing the room, this was another change for him, but from what Gavin could see he was taking it pretty well.

They took turns in the bathroom getting ready for bed. When Gavin finally got to bed, he pulled his phone out to check his messages. He had a few from Tina.

Pocket Police: We could be out drinking right now but you have other friends apparently  
Pocket Police: Don't do anything we wouldn't do  
Pocket Police: Frankie misses you

Gavin: We won't. I miss Frankie too  
Gavin: Good night T

Pocket Police: Night Gav

He set his phone on the armrest and rolled onto his side. The excitement of the day had drained him and sleep was quick to pull him under. Gavin slept soundly and well into the morning. Waking only when he heard movement from the kitchen. Whoever was there was trying to be quiet.

It took Gavin's slowly waking brain a long moment to recognize that he wasn't in his own apartment. He sat up and stretched, after rubbing the sleep from his eyes he made his way into the kitchen. Slowly being coaxed to life by the smell off coffee. A good way to start a busy weekend, or, any weekend really.

"Good morning Richard," Gavin mumbled around a yawn. "How did you sleep?"

'Good Morning,' he signed back. 'I Slept Fine.'

They were pleasantly quiet after that. Gavin wasn't exactly much of a talker, or much of a functioning human before his first cup of coffee. He wasn't grumpy, he just wasn't talkative because it required more brain power than he possessed. Last night they had come up with a plan of attack for the weekend. Today was the shopping day, and tomorrow they would get things set up.

When the coffee finished brewing Richard reached up into the cabinet grabbing a mug for Gavin, and took the one Gavin had brought yesterday for himself. Gavin was happy to see him use it. Richard poured Gavin's first, sliding it to him and then pointing to the fridge. Gavin nodded his thanks and stepped that way, setting his mug down on the counter beside it. He opened the door and did a bit of digging around before he came away with what he was looking for: carmel flavored coffee creamer. He was being silently judged by Richard as he added what his counterpart referred to as a criminal amount of cream to his coffee before returning the bottle to the fridge. He took a long drink as he turned to face Richard.

"That's some good coffee," Gavin joked, grinning when he saw Richard wrinkle his nose in disgust.

'You Monster,' was signed back at him, though there was no heat to it.

The easy silence settled over them again as they drank their coffee. Richard was looking out the living room window, and Gavin was looking over what he could see of the apartment from his place by the fridge. Having the pull out bed open helped the place look more lived in. It felt more alive, the way a home should.

When they were ready to go they met in the entry way, grabbing what they would need before heading out. They would be taking Richard's car because heavy shopping and motorcycles didn't mix well. Gavin. in all honesty was pretty excited. He'd never gotten to see Richard in an environment one if not both of them didn't have some control over. This would be a learning experience for the both of them.

Richard's car was a light grey Toyota model that Gavin didn't recognize. The inside, as he expected, was spotless. Richard played music from his phone as they drove toward the shopping district. Richard had a system in place, specific stores he wanted to look at and the order he wanted to visit them in. Gavin was coming along to translate as needed and to provide moral support. Even though he was more or less just along for the ride, he was still looking forward to it. They arrived at the first store on the list and Richard found a place to park and turned off the car.

'Ready?' Richard signed at him.

"Yeah," Gavin unbuckled and got out of the car, "Are you?"

Richard nodded and got out as well. They walked into the store, it had a relatively open floor plan. One half was furniture and the other half was trinkets and decorations meant for livening up wherever they came to call home. Richard wandered through the store to satisfy his curiosity. He picked things out as he went, some from the list, and some not. Gavin grabbed a few things as well, some for his place, but most of them for Richard's. Every stop they made went in a similar fashion, Richard roaming for curiosity's sake and picking things up as he went. There was one more place they wanted to stop at, to see if they had the specific set of shelves that had been alluding them all day. Richard had picked out two similar ones for the office, but wanted this specific set for his room. They had it bookmarked online incase they couldn't find it while they were out.

The building was massive. Gavin would be surprised if they didn't have what Richard was after. They wandered around, not quite aimlessly, but it didn't seem like they would find what they were after here either unfortunately. Gavin was about to voice as much and suggest they call it a day, when someone spoke up from the other side of Richard. It scared them both, though Gavin was the only one to jump.

"Can I help you and your..." the sales clerk paused, searching for her words as she looked between Gavin and Richard, "Partner find anything specific?"

Richard froze for a long while, seeming like he was trying to compose himself. Genuinely confused, he picked his hands up to sign, restarting a number of times before giving up altogether and shooting Gavin a desperate, pleading look.

"Oh, uh. No. We're alright thanks." Gavin stumbled over his words in his flustered rush to get them out. It seemed to do the trick though, since the sales clerk retreated and they were once again left on their own.

They just stared at each other for a long while. Gavin cracked first, smiling and then breaking into laughter when the awkwardness passed leaving only amused embarrassment in its wake. Richard was smiling, amusement shining in his eyes. What a fucking day.

"Let's head back." Gavin suggested when he had enough control over his air intake to talk again, "We can pick up some food on the way home on the way back. Then order the shelves when we get back to your place."

Despite the laugh they'd had about it earlier, Gavin found himself paying more attention to his proximity to Richard the rest of the day. They had a good laugh about it again over dinner, Richard delighting in it now that the awkwardness had passed. Gavin did as well, it was funny looking back. That was how their evening went. The two of them talking and having a good time until they were too tired to keep upright.

'Okay,' Richard signed as he stood. 'Bed Time.'

They had been smart enough to clean up their dinner mess beforehand this time. After Gavin had finished his nightly routine he laid down and pulled out his phone to check in with Tina.

Gavin: You'll never guess what happened today!

Pocket Police: Something funny I take it

Gavin: Richard and I got mistaken for a couple today

Pocket Police: lol. How did that go

Gavin: We've been having a good laugh about it  
Gavin: Just thought I'd let you know  
Gavin: Night T

Pocket Police: Sleep well

Once again Gavin woke up to Richard in the kitchen, and roused with less confusion than the day before. He stretched and made his way into the kitchen, following the smell of coffee. The same mugs as yesterday were out on the counter, clean and ready to be used.

"Morning." Gavin mumbled, just this side of coherent as he leaned against the counter, "Today's the day. Are you excited?"

'Morning.' Richard parroted with a smile. Ever the fucking morning person. He nodded in answer to Gavin's question knowing that this would be the extent of the conversation until he got some coffee into his system.

They didn't have a solid plan of attack for today, no lists to follow, just the general goal of getting the place into a state that Richard was comfortable living in. Gavin's first order of business after he'd gotten coffee into his system was to clean up the living room, since that had been his home the past couple of days. After that, he would go wherever Richard needed him.

The coffee finished, and like yesterday, Richard poured both mugs and then slid Gavin's toward him. Gavin added cream to it and then took a long drink letting out a content hum. Richard made an amused sound in the back of his throat and rolled his eyes lifting his mug in a mock toast.

"Look. One of us can't function before like eleven in the morning on a good day." Gavin complained between drinks of coffee, "Its not my fault you can't wake up at a normal time."

'Waking Up In Afternoon Not Normal.' Richard signed, and then had the nerve to fucking wink. God damn morning person.

"Richard. Its the weekend." Gavin remarked, gesturing with his free hand, "Its practically against the law to wake up early on the weekend."

'Yet Here You Are,' He signed with a self satisfied smirk, like he was making some kind of point. 'Awake Early Sunday Morning.'

"Okay, no need to be so damn smug," Gavin said with a tired laugh, "You've made your point."

'Have I?' He signed with a faint smile along with a single raised eyebrow.

Gavin flipped him off for lack of a better argument. Richard rolled his eyes again, but they were alight with amusement, and Gavin had a smile of his own to match. After he finished his coffee he cleaned his mug out and set it on the dish mat to dry.

"Alright, I'm going to start by cleaning my shit from the living room." Gavin gestured in the direction of the couch, "Then where do you want me?"

'My Room.' Richard responded, finishing his own coffee and going through the same motions as Gavin.

Gavin made his way to the living room, packing up his mess and putting his things back into his duffle bag. Next, he took the sheets and blanket off the pull out bed and stepped into the bathroom with the bundle of fabric. He set it down and opened the washing machine, he untangled the mass of blankets and loaded them into the machine. With that done, he went back out into the living room and set about putting away the the pull out bed. Doing it by himself wasn't a pleasant experience, but Richard was busy and Gavin didn't want to bother him. With the bed finally tucked away and the couch cushions back in place, the last thing that needed to be replaced was the coffee table, which he handled with ease.

Having finished in the living room he turned and headed down the hall, stopping in the bathroom to check the laundry he had set to run. Making his way to Richard's room he knocked on the doorframe before stepping inside.

"What," Gavin started from a few feet into the room, "are you doing?"

Gavin felt that it was an appropriate question since he'd come in to find one of Richard's closet doors halfway disconnected from the frame with said man sitting on the floor presumably trying to finish the job. Richard looked quite proud of himself. He freed a hand from whatever he was doing to the bottom of the door and gestured to the whole of it, like that somehow explained everything.

"Okay," Gavin continued, acting as though he understood this impromptu round of charades, "And you're taking the door off its hinges because why exactly?"

Richard let out a sigh that was just this side of annoyed. He moved so that he was facing Gavin, 'I Do Not Like Noise They Make. Help Me.' He emphasized the last bit by pointing at Gavin and then to the remaining door.

"You have a plan of what you're gonna do once they're off?" Gavin asked moving to the other door, he leaned against its frame and looked at his companion.

'No,' he paused to consider something, 'Do Not Want Them Here.'

"We'll figure it out I guess," he straightened up, "You got anything to make this easier, or are we just gonna brute force it."

Richard reached back behind himself and came away with a screwdriver that he held out to Gavin. He took it with a nod of thanks, and turned to get to work assuming Richard was doing the same. He'd figured they'd get to this eventually, but if he had known they'd be doing this today he would have asked Tina if he could borrow her truck instead of bringing his bike over. But it was what it was, he could always ask her later.

The doors took a bit of time to get off the frame, and with no way to remove them from the apartment they settled for putting them away in the bathroom closet for the time being. While he was in there Gavin switched the laundry over. The shelves they had ordered wouldn't arrive for another week or so but they got everything else for Richard's room set up.

The room came away with a color palette of bright light blue and a dark matte grey. Gavin liked how it came out, it suited Nines pretty well in his opinion. They moved on to the office next, adding the shelf sets that Richard had picked out. One became designated for books and paperwork, and the other for office supplies and a couple of decorative trinkets. One of those being a porcelain statue of Lucky Cat that Gavin had picked out.

He let Richard do the bathroom himself. The living room came next and was by far the most fun. They'd bought some decorative pillows for the couch but apparently decided that a pillow fight would make better use of them. Which was how Gavin found himself backed against the wall with Richard throwing pillows at him with a surprising amount of strength.

"Okay! Okay!" Gavin called in surrender between bouts of laughter, "I'm sorry for smacking you with that pillow, even if you deserved it."

Richard finally relented, accepting Gavin's albeit shitty apology. Gavin began picking up the pillows on the floor around him and placing them on the couch. Adding the one he had bought that had "fuck off" stitched into it in cursive purple thread to a spot where it could easily be seen as a finishing touch.

"There, its perfect." Gavin said looking over at Richard with a satisfied smile, "Home sweet home."

Richard was wearing his equivalent of Gavin's smile, just smaller but no less genuine, 'Home Sweet Home.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last if the chapters i'm moving from tumbler, updates should slow a little more now. The fic will still be posted there first then updated here though.  
> come yell at me on tumblr! rjhpandapaws


	9. Chapter 8: Make a Home Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun drinking game for this chapter: take a drink from whatever your preferred beverage is whenever Richard has feelings.

Richard would eventually learn, that when seeking help, he should probably ask Connor rather than Silas, and he probably shouldn't ask them both. Silas tended to just panic and Connor alternated between damage control and actually providing help. It was a mistake he probably wouldn't make again, given how it went this time.

The Family Feud:  
UnluckyNine: I need help. I think I made a mistake.  
UnluckyNine: I don't think I'm ready to have someone in my apartment for two days...  
UnluckyNine: I know its only Gavin, but this is kind of a big deal.

Sixty-Second-Set: It's still a couple days away right? Just cancel last minute, that's what I would do.  
Sixty-Second-Set: Wait. Who is Gavin?  
Sixty-Second-Set: Why is he staying with you for two days!!  
Sixty-Second-Set: Where did you meet him? Have you seen him before? Is his name actually Gavin?  
Sixty-Second-Set: Do you have proof he's real? Are you sure he's not a serial killer?

RunawayArkait: Silas, stop. Gavin is a friend of Richard's from school.  
RunawayArkait: He's staying the weekend because he is helping Richard renovate his apartment.  
RunawayArkait: They met at the cafe. Yes his name is Gavin, and they go to school together so obviously they have seen each other.  
RunawayArkait: He's not a serial killer Silas. He isn't smart enough.  
RunawayArkait: Anyway Richard, you want to do this right? It would be best to just get it over with. Because if you don't do it this weekend, it will just be hanging over your head for whenever you reschedule it.

Sixty-Second-Set: Solution! If he isn't there at a decent time, don't let him in.

RunawayArkait: As someone who was an hour late to their own birth, I don't think you should really be the one to give time based ultimatums.

Sixty-Second-Set: Fuck off Connor. You were an hour early.

UnluckyNine: Thanks for the help. I'll just see how I'm feeling on Friday.

RunawayArkait: It'll be fine, Nines, you'll see.

Sixty-Second-Set: Call Connor if you need back up.  
Sixty-Second-Set: He can call Nora, or whatever her name is, and she can come kick his ass.

RunawayArkait: Her name is North, and he won't need to because it's going to be fine.

UnluckyNine: Thanks for the advice.

Sixty-Second-Set: Of course! That's what big brothers are for!

RunawayArkait: It's gonna be fine, I promise.

The rest of his week was spent getting ready for Gavin to come over. Cleaning. Making sure he had sheets and a blanket big enough for the pull out bed. Cleaning the pull out bed. He went grocery shopping and bought snacks and junk food like he had seen at Gavin's apartment. Almost texted Gavin on several occasions to cancel, and then deleted them. After the longest and most stressful week in recent history, it was finally Friday. There would be no backing out last minute. He wasn't Silas. On top of that, he was actually looking forward to seeing Gavin. As if on cue, his phone lit up with a message from the man in mention.

Gavin Reed: Getting ready to head your way. Need to pick up anything on my way over?

Me: No. Not that I can think of.

Gavin Reed: Alright, see you soon.

Richard set his phone on the kitchen island and gave his apartment another once over. Making sure everything was where it was supposed to be, that his apartment was presentable. Richard himself was dressed in more of a relaxed way than his usual. He had on blue sweatpants from Silas, that said University of Idaho Theater Fest down the left leg, and an oversized blank white hoodie. He didn't want Gavin to give him a hard time for being overdressed at home a second time. His phone vibrated against the counter top.

Gavin Reed: On my way up to you.

Me: Ok. The door is unlocked.

Richard put his phone back down on the island and made his way over to the door and unlocked it. He glanced at the shoe rack by the door. A small grey thing. The impulse purchase that had started all of this. He smiled and headed back to the kitchen.

Normally he would be waiting in the living room, but that was going to be Gavin's space for the weekend. He leaned against the counter until his nervous energy became too much to handle. He opened the fridge and dug through it, looking for the bottles of soda he had bought. Gavin would probably want one after his trip up the stairs. He heard Gavin come in, followed by the sound of his shoes hitting the shoe rack. He looked up when Gavin spoke.

"Where do you want this?" He asked, gesturing to the bag on his shoulder with an excited smile curling at his lips.

Richard straightened up and pointed at the couch since that was where they decided Gavin would be spending the weekend. With that taken care of, Richard grabbed the two bottles of old fashioned soda and set them on the island. He turned to grab the bottle opener since he didn't know if they were twist tops or not. He slid a bottle over to Gavin when he returned to the kitchen.

"Thanks." Gavin said as he took the bottle, "I got you something, a bit of a house warming gift."

Gavin's other hand came up and he placed a hastily wrapped box on the counter. He slid it over to Richard like it would bit him if he didn't. Richard opened it carefully, not wanting to tear the paper. The box inside didn't have a label or anything that would hint as to what was inside, and Richard didn't want to shake it in case it was something fragile. He set the box down on the counter and opened the top. He took out a white mug. Richard turned it over in his hands to see if it had a design on it. He found 'Silence is Golden' written in pretty, light blue font. He set the mug down so he could sign and felt a smile tugging at his lips.

'Thank You.' He signed, 'I Love It.'

"I'm glad," Gavin said with a smile of his own, "I saw it in the campus bookstore and thought you might like it."

Richard took a drink from his bottle, trying to ignore the clutter on the counter. Gavin had gotten him something, saw it and thought Richard would like it. Connor and Silas were really the only other people who did that.

"What's the plan for tonight?" Gavin's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He was heading for the living room, "Online shopping, actually shopping, relaxing, or starting on changing around the place."

Richard came to sit beside him on the couch, leaning into the back rest some. Gavin, on the other hand, looked like he had melted into it. He looked relaxed and comfortable. A contrast to the tenseness that was clinging to Richard, he was trying his best to relax. HIs fingers were tapping against the bottle in a rapid staccato pattern. He didn't really want to do anything tonight. If he was honest, he didn't want to do any of this, but Gavin was already here and it was too late to back out. He figured they could just hang out for tonight and worry about the apartment tomorrow.

He finally set the bottle down, since he had come to a decision. Richard tried explaining this to Gavin, but he couldn't find the signs that conveyed what he meant that were also signs that Gavin knew, and he didn't want to fingerspell everything. He let his frustration out as a sigh. Gavin was picking up ASL quickly, and Richard was proud of him. It was just that he was feeling more than what child-sign could actively express. So it was only natural that his texts didn't even scratch the surface either.

Me: Could we stay in tonight? Relax and maybe look for things online?  
Me: I don't think I'm ready to do much else yet..

"That's perfectly fine," Gavin said as he turned on the tv, flipping to some cartoon he liked listening to, "We'll only do what you're comfortable with."

That was how their afternoon went. Gavin told Richard about his weekend as he looked stuff up online. Writing down a list of things he wanted to buy, and the stores the website said he could find them at. It was comforting to come up with a plan for the weekend so it didn't feel so much like he was going into this on blind impulse.

Hours passed and they were just talking. Gavin was talking and Richard was texting his responses. It was a normal evening for them up until Gavin's stomach growled loudly, interrupting the story Gavin had been telling.

'Food?' Richard signed, not bothering to hide the amusement in his eyes. He was feeling a little hungry himself.

"Yeah that would probably be a good idea," Gavin said, a laugh hanging onto the end of his words as he covered his stomach, "You in the mood to cook, or is it a take out kind of night?"

Definitely a take out kind of night. Richard couldn't cook to save his life, and he wasn't about to expose Gavin to that. He pulled up the app and tapped on his usual Italian place, picked the same thing he always got and handed the phone off to Gavin. He took his time picking before handing the phone back. Richard placed the order and Gavin went back to his story.

The conversation fell away when the food arrived. The two of them falling into familiar and content silence. They relaxed like that for a time, eventually passing notes. Gavin in the mood to talk, but not in the mood to speak. It was nice, and they stayed like that for hours, passing notes and crude drawings back and forth. Enjoying each other's company until Gavin yawned wide enough that it sounded like something in his jaw broke.

"So how are we doing this Nines?" Gavin asked, rubbing at his face and muffling his words.

'You Take Couch.' He signed, slow and clear since Gavin was tired, 'I Take Bed.'

With that established, Richard began packing up the remaining food and putting it away. Leaving Gavin to handle the garbage. It reminded him of when he spent the evenings at Gavin's apartment. Getting the pull out bed set up didn't take long with the two of them working on it. He let Gavin get ready for bed first since he looked like he was going to fall asleep if he stayed in ne place for too long. It was new, but not unsettling to have someone else here, but he supposed it was because he was used to being around Gavin.

He took his turn getting ready for bed, and once he was done for the night he checked in with Silas like he promised he would.

Me: I'm not dead.

Silas: Did he do anything weird?

Me: No  
Me: He bought me a coffee mug as a house warming gift which was nice.

Silas: You're alright then?

Me: I promise.  
Me: I'm going to bed now.

Silas: Sleep well.

When morning rolled around, Richard got ready for the day, a grey turtle neck sweater paired with dark jeans and made his way to the kitchen as quietly as he could. Being mindful of Gavin, who was still passed out on the couch. He got the coffee grounds out of the cabinet and into the machine before he heard signs of life from the living room. Gavin came into the kitchen as though summoned by the spluttering of the coffee machine.

"Good morning Richard," Gavin managed through his yawn, his sea green eyes barely showing signs of life. "How did you sleep?"

'Good Morning.' Richard signed back with a smile, 'I Slept Fine.'

The kitchen fell silent after that. Gavin was leaning against the counter, in the small corner made by it and the fridge. His eyes were open and he was looking around, but it didn't seem like he was seeing anything. Richard hadn't gotten to witness pre-coffee Gavin before, and now he understood why Gavin's texts this time of day were only one word. It was kind of endearing to see a new side of Gavin.

Richard grabbed mugs as the coffee finished, a plain black one for Gavin, as well as the one Gavin had bought him. He poured Gavin's first, leaving room for the abysmal amount of cream he felt the need to add to his coffee, and pointed the semi-alert male in the direction of the fridge. He poured his own next, then returned the pot to the machine.

"That's some good coffee," Gavin joked when he caught Richard looking at him.

'You Monster,' Richard signed back with his free hand and pulling a face to make his point.

Silence settled over the kitchen again, though this time it was content rather than exhausted. Richard was absently staring out the window, going over the plan for this weekend in his head. Today they were shopping, picking up the things Richard had decided on last night. He liked them and hoped that they would make his apartment feel less like a hospital room.

Gavin got ready quickly after he finished his coffee and met Richard at the door when he was ready to leave. They were taking Richard's car because Gavin had brought his bike over. He was glad to have Gavin with him since he'd never done any important shopping like this before. What he had now was a collection of things that used to belong to Connor and Silas that had sat in storage when they had moved. The things they were getting today would be Richard's and would finally make the apartment feel like it was his.

Richard had made a list of stores along with what he hoped to find at each one last night. When they arrived at the first store he found a place to park that was relatively close.

'Ready?' He signed at Gavin as he got unbuckled.

"Yeah." Came Gavin's reply as he got out.

Richard joined him and they made their way inside. The store was big and had an open floor plan, with furniture on one side and decorations on the other. He made his way through the store picking things out that were on his list, crossing them off as well as other stores as he got them. He also picked up a few novelty things that caught his eye, including a present for Gavin. It was a mug that said 'cunt' in black print with the letter 'c' making up the handle. He figured Gavin would get a kick out of it given his sense of humor.

The other stops went similarly. Richard getting things off his list as well as a few other things that caught his eye. Some of them for Gavin for when he did well with signing or passed his Psychology tests. None of the places they went had the shelves he wanted for his room. One place had some that were similar, and he bought them for his office. They were going to try one last place before giving up and ordering them online.

The store his phone directed them to was massive. The website said they at least sold the shelves he was looking for, but didn't say if they had any in stock. Looking couldn't hurt.

He and Gavin wandered the store. Following the signs in hopes of finding the shelves. They were stopped in an aisle tying to get their bearings. Richard didn't think they were going to find the shelves here. He was going to say as much to Gavin, but he saw a girl in the store's uniform coming toward them. Maybe she could help.

She spoke to them as she approached, "Can I help you and your..." her eyes moved Richard to Gavin and then back as she chose he words, "partner find anything specific?"

Richard froze. His partner? She meant Gavin, he knew that much, but it wasn't like that. They weren't like that. It wasn't like that. Richard tried telling her as much, but his signs weren't cooperating. He turned to Gavin, silently begging for help because he didn't know how to get out of this situation.

"Oh, uh. No. We're alright, thanks." Gavin sounded just as embarrassed as Richard felt. He hadn't explained that they weren't together, but his words had gotten the sales clerk to leave them be, which was just as good.

They stared at one another for a long while, the silence between them wasn't awkward, but there was something unspoken hanging in it. Gavin broke into a smile, and then broke down into uncontrollable laughter. It got to the point that he was nearly doubled over. Richard's own anxiety was beginning to subside at the sound and he couldn't help but smile at Gavin, the other's delight rubbing off on him. They didn't find the shelves, but that was fine.

"Let's head back," Gavin said when he finally had control over his breathing. "We can pick up some food on the way back. Then order the shelves when we get back to your place."

Richard found himself hyper aware of how close he was to Gavin the rest of the night. Keeping a friendly distance between them, and decided he could give him the mug another time. He didn't want to give Gavin the wrong impression.

They continued talking about it, Richard taking delight in Gavin's awkwardness and Gavin doing the same with Richard's. They exchanged pleasant stories and memories well into the evening. The late night hours became early morning, and when they were both sagging into the pull out bed, Richard decided it was time to get some sleep.

'Okay,' Richard signed as he stood with a yawn, 'Bed Time.'

He let Gavin use the bathroom first again. When Richard was done for the night, he climbed into the bed and messaged Silas.

Me: Today was interesting.

Silas: What did Garrett do?

Me: Gavin  
Me: He didn't do anything, but a worker at a furniture store mistook us for a couple.

Silas: You said he wasn't doing anything!

Me: He wasn't. We were just kind of close.

Silas: Why?

Me: We were lost.  
Me: Anyway, its late so I'm going to sleep.

Silas: Be safe.

Me: Always.

Richard woke up at his usual time, the late night not quite beating natural habit. Like yesterday, Richard went about making coffee as quietly as possible. Since they were staying at the apartment he was back in comfortable clothes. The same blue sweatpants as before and a loose black t-shirt with an old style car emoji on it. Just like the day before, the smell of coffee brought a barely coherent Gavin into the kitchen.

"Morning." Gavin muttered, sounding like he would much rather be asleep. "Today's the day. Are you excited?"

'Morning.' Richard signed back, choosing to answer Gavin's question with a nod. He didn't look awake enough for more signing.

When the coffee finished he poured Gavin's first sliding it over to him so he could get around to actually waking up rather than milling about like a corpse in his kitchen. Richard poured his own next, holding it in his hands to soak up the warmth. He found himself watching Gavin, and rolled his eyes when the other all but moaned into his coffee. Understanding the sentiment, Richard lifted his own mug in a mock salute.

"Look. One of us can't function before eleven in the morning." He complained, hiding a yawn behind his mug before he took another drink, "Its not my fault you can't wake up at a normal time."

'Waking Up Afternoon Not Normal,' he replied dryly, winking at Gavin in place of a smile. Richard found mornings to be the most peaceful time of day and he liked them the best.

"Richard." He groaned, gesturing to the window with his free hand. "Its the weekend. Its practically against the law to wake up early on the weekend."

'Yet Here You Are.' Richard felt himself smiling as he signed, 'Awake Early Sunday Morning.'

Gavin rolled his eyes and gave a genuine but tired laugh, "Okay, no need to be so damn smug. You've made your point."

'Have I?' Richard asked with the quirk of a brow.

This earned him getting flipped off by Gavin. He rolled his eyes and hid a broad smile behind his mug. Gavin finished his coffee first and cleaned his mug out in the sink, setting it aside when he was done.

"Alright, I'm going to start by cleaning up my shit from the living room," he gestured in the vague direction of the couch, but Richard got the idea. "Then where do you want me?"

'My Room.' Richard signed before finishing off the rest of his coffee and cleaning out the mug.

Richard went to his room with every intention of redecorating, but caught sight of his open closet doors. Part of making this apartment his was getting rid of those. He walked back out of his room to the hall closet, he opened the door and dug around until he found his tool kit. Richard took it back to his room and got started on the doors. He was working on the door farthest from the bedroom door. He got the top hinge detached without a problem. With that out of the way, he sat down and got to work on the bottom hinge. He heard Gavin knock on the doorframe before he spoke.

"What," Gavin started from behind him, sounding genuinely confused, "are you doing?"

Richard, personally, thought what he was doing was rather obvious. He was taking his closet doors off their frame. He gestured to the door as a way to get his point across and got back to work.

"Okay," Gavin continued, sounding just as confused as before, "and you're taking the door off its hinges because why exactly?"

Richard took a deep breath, letting it out as a frustrated sigh. After making sure the door wasn't going to fall if he left it unattended, he turned to face Gavin.

'I Do Not Like Noise They Make. Help Me.' He emphasized the last two signs by pointing at Gavin, then at the door that was still standing.

"You have a plan of what you're gonna do once they're off?" He asked as he walked over and leaned against the frame of the closet.

'No.' He stopped for a moment, wondering if they could fit, deciding that they couldn't he moved on, 'Do Not Want Them Here.'

"We'll figure it out I guess," came Gavin's response as he stood upright again. He eyed the door before looking back at Richard, "you got anything to make this easier, or are we just gonna brute force it."

As much as Richard would have loved to see that, he didn't think the complex owners would like it too much if they couldn't replace the closet doors. He reached behind himself for the screwdriver he had been using and handed it to Gavin.

They worked in silence after that. Getting the doors off and finding a place for them took longer than Richard thought it would. They settled for sticking them in the back of the bathroom closet, he found the irony of that amusing. The shelves for his room wouldn't be coming in for another ten days, but everything else could be set up today.

He took time in his room, reorganizing things as he got it put together. Richard enjoyed himself as he redecorated his room, relaxing as the space came to look more lived in. His room came to have a blue and grey color scheme that he found calming and visually appealing. He took a picture of the finished product to send to Silas and Connor, making sure Gavin wasn't in the shot. Silas would lose it if he saw Gavin in Richard's room, he would get the wrong idea.

The office came next, and setting up the shelves took the longest. Organizing them was easy though. The one to the right of the door as you came in was for books and paper work, the one to the left came to hold office supplies, a ship in a bottle, and a Lucky Cat statue from Gavin. Like with his bedroom, Richard took a picture to send to his brothers once Gavin had left.

Richard worked on the bathroom next, which didn't take him long. It was just changing the shower curtains and putting up different towels. The shower curtain was a blown up picture of the beach. Another picture that was sent to his brothers.

The last room left to do was the living room. Richard had left it as the last room so Gavin had time to get all of his stuff together. He started with the media stand, placing ocean themed glass globes on either side of the tv, and a string of light blue fairy lights along the front of the shelf. He placed two grey coasters in shade order from lightest to darkest on each corner of the coffee table and a line of three white-blue electric candles along the center of it.

The couch was the last thing to be decorated. Richard went back to his room to grab the bags of throw pillows. When he came back he couldn't fid Gavin. Assuming he was in the bathroom, Richard started on the couch. He was smacked on the back with something soft, and turned to find Gavin triumphantly holding a pillow with 'fuck off' stitched into it with light purple thread. He smacked Richard again, this time in the chest. It was on now.

Richard took a pillow off of the couch and grinned at Gavin, who seemed to realize he was a little out of his depth. He threw the pillow at Gavin causing him to back up, it hit him in the chest anyway. He ducked under the next one and threw his pillow at Richard. He caught it, effectively disarming Gavin.

He backed Gavin into the wall with a barrage of pillows and was poised to throw the 'fuck off' pillow when Gavin finally called his surrender.

"Okay! Okay!" He managed between bouts of laughter, "I'm sorry for smacking you with that pillow even if you deserved it."

Richard still threw the pillow, hitting Gavin lightly in the shoulder. They got to work setting up the pillows at each armrest, some along the back. Gavin placing the 'fuck off' pillow in the center so it could easily be seen. When he moved away from the couch, Richard took a picture of the living room, making sure Gavin was in the shot this time, and sent it off to his brothers.

"There its perfect," Gavin said, turning to face Richard as he put his phone away, "home sweet home."

Richard returned the smile, something light and warm making its home in his chest as he looked at Gavin, 'Home Sweet Home.'

For the first time, it felt true. This apartment was finally a home. A place where he could simply be, rather than be confined to. It was a new feeling and he liked it. Richard hoped that one day he had the right words to thank Gavin for all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter and then took a weekend trip to Chicago. That's why its a bit late (not that I have a set schedule). If you want to read them as soon as they're up, I post rougher versions to tumblr first.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading AHM! Let me know what you thought!


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